Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Your Too Sensative
Have you ever seen an angry alcoholic or drug addict? Ever wonder if the reason they get so angry is because they are upset about something? Often times addictions are developed from someone trying to block out there uncomfortable feelings, I can not tell you how many times I have tried to talk to someone and have gotten that statement said to me. Up until a few years ago I actually believed them. I thought that I was to sensitive and needed to try and not care so much. ...Bull shit.
I do care and that is OK. I do get upset if you use me or make me feel bad. I recognized that I have feelings now and I know how to express them. For years I felt wrong to say how I feel and felt that if I talked to others that it would only upset them and make me feel worse about myself. However now I know that it is ok and normal to be sensitive. I have to stop trying to talk to the ones who don't know how to communicate appropriately and find the ones who do.Over the past few years I have been learning how to communicate better. If I am angry at Justin I don't tell him I am pissed and yell at him. Instead I try and tell him calmly. I usually say,"there is something that I need to talk to you about" and then I would tell him how I am feeling and why. I go to him calmly because I don not want to trigger his defensiveness.
I have also learned how to not be so defensive when someone confronts me. It is very easy to turn a conversation around. For example, I say, "I am upset because you called me stupid" then you immediately say, "you called me stupid too" That is turning it around or deflecting someones feelings. I try to consider other peoples feelings instead of busting out my own. Feelings are real, emotions are real and everyone has them. Some people may be able to hide them better than others by not crying and acting tough instead but they have them too. I believe that the strong minded people are the ones who can cry and the ones who can admit to being hurt and It is the weak minded ones who are too afraid to.
I am trying very hard to make sure that I can communicate properly. It means a lot to me to make sure that my daughter Lily has a mother who she can talk to. I also want to show her that it is ok to be hurt or angry. I would love for her to feel comfortable enough to come to me when she is upset with someone or even with myself. I want to listen and be there for her and in order to do so I need to lead by example and do it for myself. So I am doing it right now, I am talking to you, to who ever will listen and it feels oh so good to Get This Out Of My Head!