Don't Get Over It or Let it Go

“Get over it” and “Just let it go” were two lessons I was taught.  I tried to ignore my feelings, I tried to get over it but I couldn’t. I could only pretend that I wasn't hurt and that only hurt me more.
  
When I was in 7^th grade a boy called me a whale on my school bus and everyone laughed at me. I sat in my booth and hid my face while I cried.  I told someone what had happened to me while tears were running down my face. They said, " Don't let it bother you" I thought that I was wrong for being hurt by that boy and that he had a right to say what he did. 

Now I think differently about the situation. The boy who said this to me was a boy friend of mine that I had recently broken up with because he treated me poorly. I believe now that he said what he did because he was upset and that he really needed to say “Emily, you hurt me” Instead he said what ever he could in order to hurt me like I had hurt him. I did not deserve those harsh words because when I did break up with him, I was kind, discrete and I had good reason to.It would have helped me back then f my loved one had said, “Emily, you did not deserve that.”

Over the years I have been disrespected by many people. I believed that I was getting hurt because of a character flaw of my own, that I was too sensitive. Why wouldn’t people walk all over me and disrespect me? I let them, I never said anything to defend myself. I thought that I was doing what I was suppose to in order to make it stop, trying to just get over it and let it go but I couldn't.

However by not sticking up for myself and not respecting myself only made these problems worse. Some friends of mine took advantage of me and hurt me. This happened for years and I let it. I often wonder, if I were told what I needed to hear instead of what I didn’t would I have been a stronger person? If I were taught to respect myself would I have been hurt all of those years?

I still battle with my low self esteem today. I try to reverse the lessons that have been burned into my mind. I teach myself that it is OK to say how I feel, alright to have hurt feelings and brave to speak my mind. 

I still  question and doubt myself  a lot of the time. Being assertive and sticking up for myself is hard for me to do when I have negative thoughts running through my mind.

I long for honesty and respect from the ones I surround my self with. I know that I have to be respectful and honest in order to find and deserve people like this.  I would like to be honest and I would like the same in return.

I have come along way from the girl I once was. I know now what I should and should not do in order to be respected. I never want to try to “Get over it” or to “Just let it go” with out helping how I feel first.