Take Me Or Leave Me

Justin and I went to a friends house last night. He was having a party and his band was playing there. I had a really good time and apparently I love seeing live music. Plus they are all really talented and even write there own songs. It was awesome!

When I am out having such a great time it can be kinda surreal for me because there was a time not too long ago when I was too afraid to leave my house. My anxiety and low self esteem took me over and it changed who I was. After working on myself I am happy to say that now I can go almost anywhere and it is a great feeling!

I am still pretty shy when I go out and meeting new people is hard for me. I can still hear the negative thoughts running through my mind. Your ugly, no one wants you here, they think you stupid etc. But now I fight those thoughts by telling myself that I am a good person and that I do not care if someone doesn't like me anymore.

Whenever  I have a few drinks it helps me become more confident in myself and I get the ability to talk to people. However I am very open from the moment I meet someone. I think that some people could be put off by me. Usually I get really insecure after a get together. I think about what I said, what someone probably thinks about me and I consider changing myself. Those are more negative thoughts that I have to combat again.

Looking back on last night I can remember the conversations that I had and I do think those same thoughts. It is different this morning though because I am starting to think more positively about myself. I wouldn't do anything differently. I am who I am and if someone should think that I am weird, ugly or stupid that is alright by me.

Now I live for me and I will not let the thoughts of others stop me ever again. Besides, what is the point of not being yourself from the start? If someone does not like me or my personalty it is best to know that from the start.  I can have no filter at times but I am always nice to people and always myself. That is what matters most to me now .